There's always a better tomorrow

I knew I left this blog (again) for quite a log time, and my most of my post were only about heartbreaks and pain and tears and memories and stuffs... I'm sorry if that kinda irritates some of you. Well, it's my blog, obviously. But to like or not, that's up to you. It's your right really...

Things or shall I call it, life, has gotten better for me these few months. I know, I said so much on being brokenhearted and how much I wanted to move on and how hard it was to let go. But, yeah, it's the bitter truth, but I am now back with the same guy. Lame? Pathetic? Weak? I thought so.

I tried moving on, after one hectic month (hey it wasn't that bad, it helped me lost weight after all ;p) and I  thought there was nothing left, I tried to fix things but alas I realized the relationship were like broken glasses shattered into dust, you can't even glue it up. There was no shape anymore after all. 

I moved on. as the quote above says, they miss you when you move on, that is what I would want to believe, but I wouldn't know for real... 

We started to contact each other again, TRYING to be friends, there were no attachment, no commitments, so we both were free and happy. SPARKS were there once again... and then cupids came along convincing us to work this thing called relationship, all over again.

It was quite tough at the beginning, of course, me and my trust issue, me being paranoid, me being me...

but Alhamdullilah, it have worked out. 

I don't know how we worked it out, but I don't have to check his phone everyday anymore, I don't have to log into his Facebook account to check any inbox and stuffs. Even I feel annoyed doing those things, it's like I'm hurting myself more than he is (if there's any 'cheating' going on)... Because checking all that, proves that, "mannn, I don't trust this guy, there must be something he's hiding from me...At leastttttt something." LOL. Ask me pleaseeeee, why am i in a relationship with someone I do not trust at all? I was so silly I should die!

but we tried talking, confessing, tried this method called 'being honest'. At first, he cooperated by telling me where he is, who he's with, by re-assuring me how much he had learnt his lesson, and re-assuring me of how much he needs me now. I know it sounds pretty fucked up, but i just needed assurance at that time. I needed to know he's being serious. I needed him to prove he's ready to commit. So, he committed by helping me through...And now, I can go a day without being so clingy to him. 

but hey, someone said,"If he's being unfaithful, then it's his lost." 

Huh, I guess we never knew the future yeah. Whatever it is, never lose faith :)

And, - As a Muslim, even ditahap yang paling cikai, never ever lose faith in Allah. Suicide is never an option. Whatever it is, go back to Allah.

Define your term of 'friendship'.

"Kadang-kadang ada kawan tu, tiga bulan sekali je jumpa. Tapi dah 7 tahun tak lost contact. Ada pulak kawan yang setiap hari lepak, tapi bila haluan dah lain, tak contact dah. Sahabat tak bermakna perlu beriringan setiap masa, sahabat bermaksud betapa sibuk pun masing-masing, tidak pernah hilang di ingatan dan doa. Friendship is not about frequency, but friendship is about consistency." - Imran Sheik

I admire this guy whom I barely remember because I only met him when I was still a child, he was my neighbor. 

I admire him for how he can express almost everything in words. I can't, I failed at expressing my thoughts or feelings. And when expressed in actions, most of them were misinterpreted. So, people like him, help people like me a lot. 

and friendship, is about consistency. :) 

Fix me.

I don't know where to go, who to run too, and i end up driving to your house. Tak dapat jumpa awak, knowing you're around, you're very near to me, cukuplah. But I thought if you knew I'm around, you'd come out to see me, but you only came out upon my request. Sedihnya saya. Awak keluar pun semata-mata nak suruh saya balik. I don't know who to run too... Dulu saya sanggup tunggu awak kat luar rumah nak jumpa awak 2 jam, awak keluar 5 minit awak bising tentang nyamuk. 

God, I don't where to go, I don't know who to run too... 

Sekurang-kurangnya it made me realize, masa happy cakap apa pun sanggup, but when reality struck, poof, semuanya hilang. Yang sweet. yang dijanji. Bukan saya berkata tentang other half saya sahaja, saya pun lebih kurang sama. Bila marah, bila sedih, semuanya lupa. 

As much as I want to retain this relationship, I just don't know how to fix it anymore. Fix me. 

Fix me.

It messed his efforts

Feb 2, 

Single's Daily Horoscope for Cancer;

"Sometimes your inferiority complex is charming. Currently, however, i has ceased to be cute.
Nobody has the energy to reassure you -- that confidence must come up from within. If you haven't talked to a stranger in a while, today's the day to chat it up with a new hottie."

Thing is, there is no new hottie. I wouldn't say old, but he is sure not new to me. and that's the problem when you had a history, it tends to mess up with the presence. Reading this made me realize, he wouldn't have all the time in the world to keep on reassuring you honey... But that messes things up because I make myself believe he is not serious. I make myself believe he would change overnight. I make myself believe things won't work out. It messed his efforts. 

Life means something to me when he's around. Everything make sense. but, that second when he's gone, when we're apart, these voices started to convince me that this is not right, that is not right, this is not the right time, it's still too soon, it'll never work out, it'll never be the same, and bla bla bla....

And when I start telling, or maybe I'd say sharing with him, he started to change. At least, I know he does... or maybe he didn't but still he made me feel so... So, in a way, he adds up to all this confusion and accidentally convince me, yeah this is not right. :/ 

But, deep inside my heart I think I know the answer. It's the factors around which won't make it happen. and that includes you. :( 

Discover Asia Cafe, Kota Damansara ;p

Chicken Chop - Rm11 (approx.)

Rib eye Steak - RM18

I KNOW RIGHT! THEY ARE VERY YUMMY!!! (not the boys, but the food ;p)

Ini hasil lepak di Asia Cafe, KD.

Ada satu gerai di hujung "From Taiping With Love" 

Serves western and local cuisines. Sedap. And pricing standard.

Shisha juga available disini :)

It is still January

"Claire: It's suspended there to remind us before we pop the champagne and celebrate the New Year, to stop and reflect on the year that has gone by. To remember both our triumphs and our missteps - our promises made, and broken. The times we opened ourselves up to great adventures - or closed ourselves down, for fear of getting hurt. Because that's what New Year's is all about: getting another chance. A chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more. And stop worrying about 'what if' and start embracing what would be. So when that ball drops at midnight - and it will drop - let's remember to be nice to each other, kind to each other. And not just tonight but all year long."

Adapted from: New Year's Eve movie.

It is still January. Let's still ponder this as we go into February people, the month of love as many call it that way. I cried watching this movie as there's so much I can relate to my own new year's disaster. But it's all about forgiveness, giving chances, and many more. I have to admit I am quite paranoid of opening up to other people as I am afraid I'll get hurt again. I shut the door to my heart, to other people but not fully to him. I know it's not fair but things get better. I believe it will. 

p/s: pictures are not mine ;)