Al-Fatihah to Muhammad Noor Zarian bin Abd Rahman

It had been a year since my last post. One freaking year can change so much... One freaking year, and so many things happened. Life happened.

I had been through the worst breakups in my life. Learned to move on. Hurt again, I'm okay. Still on the move. till we decided to go with the flow, no matter how deep the pain was, I can deal with it cuz I know, someday I will marry this guy. Things will work out again. Life would be perfect by then.

hey, I just knew cuz I love him so much. and I know he loves me too.

Then,

He's gone. forever.

Not only he left me, he left everyone. to meet his only Creator.

he's dead.

that was in March 2013.

So, how does it feel losing the love of your life? the heart that keeps you beating?  the guy whom I'm supposed to marry... Losing him means no more fights, no more making up toward each other, no more laughs, no more "I'll see you after work.", no more midnight calls, no more I surprise him infront of his door cuz I've been missing him so much, no more sweet text messages, no more him.

I'd replace him for I love him with all my heart. but... nope, that's not gonna happen. he's gone and that's for real.

It's been months, I make people believe I've moved on. I make myself believe that. I am so tired of crying, dealing with the pain, it's not going anywhere. If I were to stick to reality, there's only one thing I'll have to do, I need to love again. What's with the rush? No, I just need to let go.

And time is such a big deal. People talk so much, I just don't know when will be the right time to love again.

To let go myself, would take so long i believe. To be truly moved on. To be over the grieving.

I miss him a lot. Every situation that are taking place in my life I can relate to him, I just wish he doesn't have to go.

I hope he can rest in peace. be happier up there, in a world we would all meet again.

Yayan, should you know, you taught me a lot while you're still living, and your death had taken me aback and taught me something more. Something that no one else can teach. Only people who experienced beloved's death will understand. I love you.

Romantic proposal

Did I ever share how he (Zarian) tried to win my heart? He bought be this roll at Crepe Signature at (it's a food by the way, i knowww righttt!) at the packaging of the food, he wrote, "Would you be my girlfriend?" Dah lah depan public. I cried anyway. Lapar sangat gamaknya menangis... hahaha!

'CREPE SIGNATURE'
This is the shop, you guys should try the seaweed flavour, it's AWESOME ! Trust me :P
(well that's why people queue for it, isn't it?)
*this picture is taken somewhere from google. thanks Google.

And this... is how he did it <3
He is romantic sometimes, i have to admit that *blush*
I LOVE YOU YAYAN.

  Now playing: Radio by Lana Del Ray

Sekolah Menengah Swasta Saleha, Genting Highlands

I miss my high-school life. I miss my friends. I miss the schools' events. 

I miss SM(S) Saleha, Genting Highlands.

And this goes to Cha, Ja, Cindy, Fareha, Aqil, Reza, Chik Yin, Shi Wei, Hikmah, Wan, Helen, Nanda, Freddy, Cynthia, Taufik, Helbert, Nyiam, Phua Chu Kang, Betty, Eleena, Fara, Mieza, Sherra, Nad,Syasya, Jez, Nithiya, Adam, David, and all my juniors, and of course, teachers. There are too many to mention, but I miss you all dearly in my heart. <3

I once felt like being in a prison in KGH, but I did not realize I actually had the best moments when I was there. When we're all there. And now, I miss it badly. 

Walk Of Hope 2012 ; WalkOfHope2012

Boyfriends, Girlfriends, Couples, Families, Mommies, Daddies, Nannies, Sister, Brothers, Kids, Pretties & Handsomes ; Let's join this Walk Of Hope (charity event) to help the Somalia kids!

You'll feel good when you do something good.

Bring your families, walk together. On top of donating, you get to spend some sweet & healthy family time together :)
Plus you can also inspire your children towards doing good deeds for humanity!

credit to: @MrAdamDawn 

RT @pearkuku: "Untuk daftar, anda boleh klik http://www.walkofhope2012.blogspot.com untuk #WalkOfHope2012 dan terus follow @WalkOfHope2012 "

Spread the news people! Spread love!

more info on  http://www.walkofhope2012.blogspot.com/ or https://twitter.com/WalkOfHope2012

#WalkOfHope2012

Chocolate Chip simple dan sedap!

Assalamualaikum si cantik dan jejaka handsome :)

Ramadhan Qareemm :)

First of all, harap tak terlewat nak ucapkan selamat menyambut Ramadhan al-mubarak. Hopefully kita semua diberi kekuatan dan kesabaran menghadapi dugaan di bulan puasa ni.

In a blink of an eye, 2012 has sped up to August. Sekarang pun dah mid Ramadhan. Tak lama lagi syawal datang menjelma :) Thus, during my sem break ni, daripada tak buat apa-apa lansung, I've decided to bake cookies for Raya! Rasanya tak cepat sangat kot?? hehe. Anyway, tak lama lagi bila dah start class takut tak sempat nak buat.

Today, I tried Chocolate chip cookies. Below are the recipe:

Bahan-bahan:

125 gram butter

125 gram gula perang

150 gram tepung red rose (boleh dapat kat any bakery shops)

20 gram serbuk koko

1 tsp vanilla essence

1 biji kuning telur

50 gram choc chip (yang berkualiti i.e hershey's)

25 gram badam cincang

25 gram sunflower seeds

Cara-cara:

1. Pukul mentega & gula perang hingga kembang.

2. Masukkan kuning telur & esen vanilla, kacau rata.

3. Masukkan tepung & serbuk koko yang telah diayak bersama dan gaul sehingga adunan sebati.

4. Akhir sekali, campurkan badam, sunflower seed, & choc chips dan gaul rata.

5. Bentukkan adunan & susun atas dulang pembakar.

6. Bakar pada suhu 180'C sehingga masak (10-11 minit)

Recipe ni diambil dari http://resepimalaya.com/2011/12/26/hersheys-chocolate-chip-cookies/

Kalau nak tahu lebih banyak resipe, boleh lah melawat blog dia :)

saya buat 4 adunan sekali, adunan dia memang agak berderai sedikit, but don't worry, InsyaAllah menjadi.

4 adunan, jadi saya lebihkan choc chip sebanyak 50 gram. 

Saya bentukkan dia bulat-bulat and then saya penyekkan guna garpu kecil.

Jangan lupa letakkan baking paper atau sapukan mentega atas dulang ye sebelum susun untuk dibakar, nanti melekat.

Well, i think that's all you need to know pun. ahhhh, 4 adunan yang saya buat, dapatlah dalam 2 balang kuih yang sederhana besar tu.

Apa-apa pun, penghargaan diatas perkongsian resipe oleh kak jenap melalui blog dia :) you should really try them!

Inilah cookies saya yang tak berapa nak semenggah rupanya, tapi crunchy dan sedap!

I hope i'll be updating more recipes on cookies soon, InsyaAllah! :) 

There's always a better tomorrow

I knew I left this blog (again) for quite a log time, and my most of my post were only about heartbreaks and pain and tears and memories and stuffs... I'm sorry if that kinda irritates some of you. Well, it's my blog, obviously. But to like or not, that's up to you. It's your right really...

Things or shall I call it, life, has gotten better for me these few months. I know, I said so much on being brokenhearted and how much I wanted to move on and how hard it was to let go. But, yeah, it's the bitter truth, but I am now back with the same guy. Lame? Pathetic? Weak? I thought so.

I tried moving on, after one hectic month (hey it wasn't that bad, it helped me lost weight after all ;p) and I  thought there was nothing left, I tried to fix things but alas I realized the relationship were like broken glasses shattered into dust, you can't even glue it up. There was no shape anymore after all. 

I moved on. as the quote above says, they miss you when you move on, that is what I would want to believe, but I wouldn't know for real... 

We started to contact each other again, TRYING to be friends, there were no attachment, no commitments, so we both were free and happy. SPARKS were there once again... and then cupids came along convincing us to work this thing called relationship, all over again.

It was quite tough at the beginning, of course, me and my trust issue, me being paranoid, me being me...

but Alhamdullilah, it have worked out. 

I don't know how we worked it out, but I don't have to check his phone everyday anymore, I don't have to log into his Facebook account to check any inbox and stuffs. Even I feel annoyed doing those things, it's like I'm hurting myself more than he is (if there's any 'cheating' going on)... Because checking all that, proves that, "mannn, I don't trust this guy, there must be something he's hiding from me...At leastttttt something." LOL. Ask me pleaseeeee, why am i in a relationship with someone I do not trust at all? I was so silly I should die!

but we tried talking, confessing, tried this method called 'being honest'. At first, he cooperated by telling me where he is, who he's with, by re-assuring me how much he had learnt his lesson, and re-assuring me of how much he needs me now. I know it sounds pretty fucked up, but i just needed assurance at that time. I needed to know he's being serious. I needed him to prove he's ready to commit. So, he committed by helping me through...And now, I can go a day without being so clingy to him. 

but hey, someone said,"If he's being unfaithful, then it's his lost." 

Huh, I guess we never knew the future yeah. Whatever it is, never lose faith :)

And, - As a Muslim, even ditahap yang paling cikai, never ever lose faith in Allah. Suicide is never an option. Whatever it is, go back to Allah.