Romantic proposal

Did I ever share how he (Zarian) tried to win my heart? He bought be this roll at Crepe Signature at (it's a food by the way, i knowww righttt!) at the packaging of the food, he wrote, "Would you be my girlfriend?" Dah lah depan public. I cried anyway. Lapar sangat gamaknya menangis... hahaha!

'CREPE SIGNATURE'
This is the shop, you guys should try the seaweed flavour, it's AWESOME ! Trust me :P
(well that's why people queue for it, isn't it?)
*this picture is taken somewhere from google. thanks Google.

And this... is how he did it <3
He is romantic sometimes, i have to admit that *blush*
I LOVE YOU YAYAN.

  Now playing: Radio by Lana Del Ray

It hurts to let go but life goes on (:

my beloved Silly, this is a post for you.

I love it when we say the same thing at once and you'd beat me by saying "jings!" first, and if I catch up with you we'll lose our breathe trying to win over the 'jing' thing. It has always been fun for me :)

We often wait for the date of 14th to come, but when it comes we often forget about it. But today, the day I'm writing this post, I got to wish you happy anniversary. We haven't wish it for quite a while, have we? I'm late one day but at least I didn't say that 14th is the day after tomorrow... Perhaps you're missing me too much that you got lost of the dates? ;p

You know when you get something you always wanted and once you've owned it, you just can't help to keep wanting more? I guess that's the problem with me. And with you? I just can't say for sure. Don't even know if you know this stupid feeling. I got you as a boyfriend, and then I wanted you to be perfect. How stupid can I be, nobody's perfect. 

But I forgot because that was all I see in you that I want it in reality too. I forgot how nice it was when you were a friend, a bestfriend, and a boyfriend to me... I forgot the feeling of how nice it used to be to laugh without having the perfect reasons, to be on the phone without having topics to be talk about, to spend hours talking and end up not knowing what we talked about, to chase each other in the shopping mall, to eat donuts and get creams on your nose... 

I guess I wanted a perfect, serious relationship so much that we forget how to have fun. I spent too much times wanting everything to be in order, wanting you to know what's right or not to say, to act the way I want you to act. Typical girlfriend am I? I shouldn't care so much, I should believe in you that you can take care of yourself without having me to bug into each of your decision. I was so selfish I guess... Do you have any idea of how much I want to go back to the old days, bring back the Hanii you first fell in love with... but you gotta help me here.

I know things have changed. But if it can change then we can surely change it back right? So, help me... We talked about this many times before, but this time I won't say it loud, act natural and see where our hearts will take us too...

I don't want us to be like any other typical couples. I know things will turn out different for us. I know they'd say it is something people say when they're in love, and yes, I am in love with you, and I believed, things are already different for us. We're so unique in a way yet still look like an ordinary couples. Our friends can't stand us, that shows already our sparks are, no, not sparks, but fireworks. It is amazing. We're gorgeous and it is too much for them to handle :P

But we're just too late for any of that. Goodbye....

Title-less

You don't know what you really want until you lose it. You don't know how much you really love someone until he/she is gone. Bila dah hilang, meratap air mata darah sekalipun, mungkin tak kembali. MUNGKIN.

I haven't been eating for this week, when I force myself to eat to show people around me that I'm okay, my chest pushed it away, the taste full of betrayal runs through my trachea into my stomach. Someone help me eat, aku sangat lapar but I just couldn't take in anything :(

I breathe, but I don't feel like breathing. I just can't get enough of oxygen... Shisha pun sia-sia sebab tak dapat nak tarik. k, it's not funny -.-"

Mandi masih basah, mungkin aku masih siuman, Alhamdullilah...

When I'm exhausted at night, I fell asleep... But I'm always awake in a sudden way, awake because I missed him, awake because I thought he was there, awake because I wanted to hear his voice... Sakit bila tiba-tiba terjaga and you know you can't change anything. And then I can't sleep anymore. Part duduk sorang-sorang paling tak best, you tend to wander and wander and think and think and cry and cry. But what can you do, crying is part of healing mom said, but I can't stand it because it feels like being stabbed many times yet I'm alive.

Falling out of love is no joke, but I'm not falling out neither I'm falling in... We're in between. 

Sedih, of course sedih. But I feel so much better after I met him today. Macam mana aku tahan jumpa ex? No, I feel worse if I don't see him. I seek strength in him, seeing him happy, seeing him looking great, seeing him smile, make me stronger. After I see him, I am quite sure I'll be okay, we'll be okay, InsyaAllah.

Sumpah aku rasa kosong... dikelilingi ramai orang pun, aku masih rasa kosong. His presence filled the emptiness. Berjumpa sekali pun cukup bagi aku. Now only I learn to be grateful for what we have kannn... shame on me. bahahaha. For time being mungkin aku akan diamkan diri, searching for what I've lost, the value in me. Muhasabah diri mungkin. I can't make people happy if I'm not happy. I can't fall in love if I don't love myself... So, I will love myself to love him even deeper. 

I hope he wouldn't think that I don't care when I stopped looking for him for a while. I hope he wouldn't stop hoping. I hope he wouldn't give up everything. I hope he would wait. I hope he would still love me when I'm back. Hope goes with prayers, Ya Allah I know you heard me... my hope is nothing without your wills. Please keep it, i know it's somewhere inside there...

Smiles and laughs hid everything even a single wound. but I hope he wouldn't forget my eyes. He used to know everything from it... and from there he knows I love him.

I'll be okay. InsyaAllah. 

Not to forget, Mom, who always prays for me, support me, and understand. She doesn't judge and blame and that's the best thing about her. I love you, Mom. 

Currently listening to: Ombak Rindu rotation by perpisahan ini dan Demi Cinta.

(ilysm)

Relationship on a brink of disaster?

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE HE DOESN'T CARE, DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU ANYMORE...

http://www.everydaypeoplecartoons.com/cartoon/331

"if we are important to them, why cudnt they spend just a few mins texting us or call us right? we want to be appreciated, we want to know that we r needed. that we are the first n last thing on their mind. but to them, as long as we know they love us, thats enough. we r used of them calling us all the time that when this happen, we feel as if that things change.. 

well, all i can say is, DON'T MAKE SOMEONE YOUR FIRST CHOICE WHEN THEY ONLY MAKE YOU AN OPTION. 

i know its hard, but thats what u had to do. the more you make space in your schdedule for him, the more u make urself available for him, the more the same thing is going to happen. busied urself doing something else. go out, have a new hobby,read books, work, just do something. indulge urself in sumthing new. put ur phone as far as possible from u. dont spend ur day waiting for him to call. once u start doing this, u'll find urself doing better without him. u spend less time thinking about him. n ull be more independent. n the hurts weaned down a bit. n the expectation wears off bit by bit. it still hurts of course, but u r less affected by it. 

... 

but don't let him get away with it either.u have to tell him how u feel, n he has to know what u feel. however, if u guys talked bout this hes going to feel that u keep attacking him n blaming him, he'll be more stressed out, n he knows the only thing that cud stop the argument is to say sorry. so he did, without meaning it. talking only makes things worse as he feels attacked, while u jd lagi marah n marah coz he doesnt acknowledge ur feelings. lag2 2 tgh marah kan." - AZ 

Its an advice given by someone I trusted. Its good to know someone actually understands how we feel right? That's what happen I guess when a relationship starts going downhill when one of them just forgets the commitment they used to give. 

It was exactly what I did anyway, I put my phone as far as possible from me, even when it's with me, I put them on silent so that I'll forget that I actually have a phone which isn't ringing. Well, things get better when less expectations are being put on, for you maybe it is a necessary but for him it's a hell of pressure. Duh, I don't get this sometimes. But told myself, I am still young, should go enjoy my life rather than waiting for a call that's never coming... If he calls, then he calls. If he doesn't, it's okay, later on I will call. But there's a saying for this type of people, "Appreciate what you have before it is gone."

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/m/mature_adults.asp

They're an inspiration, never had a celeb been my idol. They're the first :)

-Blair Waldorf/ Leighton Meester & Chuck Bass/ Ed Westwick-

I really adore these two people for their very own personality/image.

Gotta admit, as much as I love Blair Waldorf, I love Leighton Meester even more!

And chuck Bass is just the perfect match for her, xoxo.

p/s: this picture is taken from http://sunshinewishes.tumblr.com

My little puss in boot xp

Yeap, my little puss but he's big trust me ;p

I miss how he'd crawl onto my bed every morning when everyone is trying to wake me up, he will continue sleeping with me... Cute ain't him? When you first look at him, he looks tough like a bodyguard, but he's very spoiled. He likes people to pamper him... He wants people to accompany him while he eats. Mengada! But it's fine, because when I'm sad, I don't need to call for Goldie, he'll come and sit next to me. He won't go anywhere till I move... He's a gentleman. He's loyal. He's sweet and loving. He's a friend. He could be my next boyfriend ;p

He wasn't expensive when we got him. He came from nowhere, and my mom fed him. In return, he acted very nice and polite, most importantly, he did not poop anywhere near the house or neighbours' houses. So, we kept him. When we go for holiday, we thought he would have run away but he stayed. Long enough till even my dad loves him, I know he does. Usually he won't allows any cats in the house, but this Goldie, is the only exception. LOL. He's my only exception.

One call that matters.

I really need to chill out. Go somewhere, do something, just to kill the time. Do something that'll make me feel appreciated. Buy a gift for myself...
I know, in relationship there shouldn't be possession, I swear to God I am not trying to control him or something like that. All I ever waited for was for one call, one call after you finish work and before I go to bed, or before you go to bed... It doesn't matter if we barely even talk, but that one call mean so much to me. Even if I don't answer, when I wake up in the morning, to see there's a miscall from you, knowing that you actually called, will make my day. But, I waited and you never called... I called and you never answered. And, when I acted out weird, you asked me "what's wrong?" ??? For real? How am I supposed to explain to you? Tell me, if I explain to you just like how I wrote this post, will you understand? Will you? I think I have said about this before and yet it's happening again, and you expect me to understand this time... Maybe I don't. But I won't speak up... I'm done fighting. All I want is a call. I don't need you to come and see me and tell me you've sacrificed much for me. When I'm sad, I don't need you to be upset. So, now that I'm not telling, when I'm sad, I'll just stay alone. Keep it to myself, and hold onto it. So much for love, I can't even understand it for myself.. One call. That's all. 14.07.2011

How are you feeling?

"If you fight like you're married, talk like best friends, and flirt like first loves, you're meant to be."

Fight like we're married... Talk like best friends... and flirt like first loves... but things were never right... ;( 


Currently listening to: The Script - For the First Time

Surprise Birthday Party

I can't sleep, mungkin sebab dah tidur petang tadi. Itulah, mama dah kejutkan tapi gatal nak tidur, kononnya letih and here I am babbling alone.
Tawar hati. I need an exact definition for that. How about if you love a person much yet you feel that? Possible? Entah, yang pasti what I'm feeling isn't something I would classify as 'tawar hati'. Well, whatever (ayat cover!)

Last Thursday was my love's birthday. Well, didn't do much for this year as I have a very tight budget. I was quite in dilemma in deciding how to make his day... Last year, we celebrated with family. So, I thought I'd do something different. Thinking of taking him to the Garden restaurant in Sunway or Italiannies at the Curve but thinking of going out just together, the both of us, doesn't makes me feel excited. I mean, it could go awkward or he might be bored of going out just the two of us, yelah everytime pun boleh keluar berdua what... So, what came to my mind was he'd be so happy if his friends could gather in one place at one time. He can hardly gather his friends, they're often busy working and stuffs. Sometimes, dia pulak yang tak ada masa lagi2 since he starts working at Celebrity Fitness. So, I decided to gather his friends and make it a surprise for him and mission started by inviting each of his besties, people that I know. Everything was planned well, it should turn out fabulously but I spoiled it. Hanii pulakk... mampu planning, hancus. Last minute plan, tukar location, and I decided to bake the cake (it was my sis actually ;p). Rush balik from my work place, tukar baju and all tak sempat siap pun and nak confirm lagi dengan everyone else, I sucked in planning haha.

But Alhamdullilah, surprise tak surprise lah jugak dia. Maybe I dah kantoi sikit awal2 tu, but he never expected around 10 of them will turn up. I pun actually ;p Happy sangat, because of them lah my surprise menjadi, even lambat and all, tolak tepi lah, dah lepas pun. And special thanks to Naz, who I believed came all the way from Puncak Alam to make it happen. Not to forget Nick, Ateen, Anis, Jijie, Mimi, Apip, Dayah, Kak Ton, and Shah :) Thank you guys, and Happy Birthday <3 

Location: McD jalan Telawi, Bangsar.

30th June 2011, Happy Birthday sayang.

When it rains,

let me be your umbrella,

When you feel pain, 

let me share will ya?

When I'm away and

you can't see me...

Just remember I will

still be there,

please don't run to anyone...

because

at the end of the day,

I am still the one.

You and I.

Busy;Asshole

While reading superb blogs, I came across this and I just think it's awesome. You should read her sometimes too :)

- http://bulldozerandtutu.blogspot.com/2011/06/if-hes-not-calling-you-its-because-you.html

"If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call."

Greg Behrendt (via myquotelibrary)

After 20+ years of marriage

Observing how parents act sometimes makes me wonders, are they really happy?

After 20+ years of marriage, do you still love you wife/husband?

After 20+ years of marriage, do you still talk to your love?

After 20+ years of marriage, do you still want to hug her/him and keep them safe?

After 20+ years of marriage, and your children are big enough to care for themselves, do you still want to be with your wife/husband?

or...

After 20+ years of marriage... you're still together just to keep the family tree? Just for the sake of the children? Or just for the sake of, I don't know... maybe it seems like a chore to you?

When I love someone, I want him to talk to me on anything. If I have just arrived from somewhere and my loved fetched me, the first thing I'd do or want him to do is to shake his hand and hug. Even if it is infront of my child. I mean, you have to show them love... It makes them happy to see their parents happy. And it somehow teach them the value of... I don't really know how to explain, but I am so happy and satisfied and contented and amazed to see my parents loving each other. Not in an extreme way, not infront of me and my siblings please, but in a soft and gentle way. But, on the other hand, coldness makes them sad and wonder if something might happen to the family. Makes the wonder what are the causes. It hurts them.

To kiss your wife/husband infront of your child is not the same as teaching them to do the same when they are not married yet, but encourages them to be married and live a happy life like that. It shows them the value of love and to kiss someone who is only worth the kiss. It's just... hard for me to explain... But, something that parents should understand, and children feel despite their age...

I think my heart just changed it's direction, it goes ------>>>

When you find there's just too many lies and too much of pain, and you refuse to deal with any of it anymore... And you found that he's so happy to be free from your jealousy, from your "only-one-attention" and he's filled with so much excitement when he's with his friends rather than you that he'd rather go out with his friends than staying to play cho tai T with you at home... you just, will be willing to let it be. Then you found an article saying that people actually dosn't need relationships... That we just need a friend from opposite sex for companion, I think he can have all that from his friends, COMPANION. Which is far better cuz you're bound to no no commitment at all. Which makes me, I wanna be free too. Like really, you can't be serious, you're in a relationship but acting like you're not in one... I wouldn't want to deal with that. It sucks. I think then you better be honest, let each other go.. in PEACE please.

I've been to Raub yesterday, I remember the xcitement that filled myself when I got there. It was far into a jungle... but the place was magnificent. I felt peace, fun, I felt what I don't find anymore here, in KL. I've got to enjoy myself like really enjoy it... I remember him but I don't think I really miss him. If not I'd be crazy to find a plug to charge my phone as the plug in my room wa not working. I just don't know why... Maybe because of him. He made me feel that way. The way he wants us to be in a distant after quites years being so close together. I think its a disaster but giving him what he wants is still my pleasure (don't take it the wrong way PLEASE!, lol), I mean, if that's what he wish for... I'd be willing to adapt myself for it. But I can't control my feeling. It fades away when you go too... It hurts but it wasn't like before, there's not so much of pain anymore...

How much I wish I don't wanna be back here. Sometimes I found myself asking, "what for?". Well, there's still studies that's keeping me here. I wanna be someone new, new face, new personality, surrounded by a new place, new people. That's why I got excited when I see "new" guys now, :P i'm kidding! but reallly, they gave me a rush of feeling that I haven't been feeling for quite a while. I just want to get to know. I know I don't deserve anyone else now... I just need a new life you know, less depress one perhaps.
I was so dissappointed because he almost made me feel the way I do once upon a time, but he spoiled it for the sake of friends, girls. Whatever you know... Go with it, I'm looking one for myself too anyway.

Maybe people who doesn't go through what I do or feel what I felt, they'd be saying, "she's so mean towards her boyfriend. He's so romantic, sweet, handsome, so clever = wonderboy", but hey, if you can make him love you, go take him. BUT MAKE SURE YOU MAKE HIM HAPPY BIT** :) And now, when you read this, hypocritically you'll say,"She's a bitch for giving away her bf like that", but you guys are ungrateful people who doesn't know what you want and if I leave him, I bet you'll make your move cam babi tak..? ish.

*to be continued with pictures of Lembah Temir, Raub

Shrek & Fiona

- love -

Shrek and Fiona. I think they portray the best value of relationship in the movie. They go through hardships. Yet in the good times, they fight cuz each of them have their own flaws. Shrek took Fiona for granted once when they had babies and he wished it never happened because he thought he was never happy anymore. He got his wish but regret. I wonder when we gonna realize not to take the person who cared for us, the person who loved us the most for granted.... I wonder when we gonna really accept our partner's flaws as they are. But you see, you cannot use your flaws as an excuse to take them for granted. I love the way Shrek has never taken advantage of Fiona's wealth and beauty. He just love her, not the other. He even feels awkward to take advantage over the families' hospitality. He wanted to take Fiona as his wife and take care of her not depending on what Fiona's parents has to offered.

everyone fight, i should know.

Shrek & Fiona is the sweetest couple ever. They portray the truth of a relationship, they fight but then they realize who they really love.

They have issues

If you dress nicely, he says you're a snob. If you dress sexy, he says you're a slũt. 
If you argue with him, he says you're stubborn. If you're quiet, he says you're stupid. 
If you call him, he says you're needy and clingy. If he calls you, he says you should be grateful. 
If you don't love him, he'll try to win you. If you love him, he'll leave you.
 If you don't screw him, he'll say you don't love him. If you do, he'll say you're easy. 
If you tell him your problems, he'll say you're irritating. If you don't, he'll say you don't trust him.
 If you lecture him, he'll say you're bitchy. If he lectures you, it's because he 'cares'. 
If you break a promise, you can't be trusted. If he breaks a promise, he had to. 
If you cheat, he expects it to be over. If he cheats, he expects to be given another chance. 
 Either way... you run back ... EVERYTIME!


like, if you have something going on and forgot to call him, he'd be upset. But if he has something going on and does not call, its because he really can't and expects you to understand ALL WAY LONG. 


p/s: this is copied. & this, part of it is true. don't you think so? and this, too, can be vice versa.

Pooh and Piglet

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh," he whispered. 

"Yes, Piglet?" 

"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw, "I just wanted to be sure of you."

Love is sweet. As much sweet will get you diabetes. well, it's love.

I remember doing this all the time. Calling my boy just to make sure whether he's okay or not. It appears that I have less bonding with this guy, perhaps we'll have to get married first :LOL:
So, I can't trust my instinct much on this.
The other day, he went to class. And I ride to my class but on the way I saw an accident, our university is quite close to one another but I did not know whether he has arrived or not. So, I immediately called to ask if he was okay. That's all that matter, him being safe. But sadly, the one who's involved in the accident is one if his friend. He was riding a motorcycle and fell by himself. I am not so sure how bad it was but he's gone. Al-fatihah.

But be sure, how you guys fight or said you hate each other, but if you care enough to let go of your ego, it doesn't cost a fortune. Unless you want it to be too late...

He's been using me

"People were created to be LOVED. Things were created to be USED. The reasons why world is in CHAOS, is because things are being loved, and people are being used."

True. It is so true. The worse a person could ever do is to take advantage on other people. Materialistic much? But, it doesn't mean you need to have something valuable for people to advantage on you. All it takes is to have something that they want. Comfort for example. I don't know how to explain in further details. But isn't it mean to take advantage of the hospitality provided by someone who actually really love you? She loves you but you're just basically using her for your own importance. I think it's cruel.

There is a saying,"when you give, don't expect for anything in return." Sure true as hell, but as in human nature when you give and give and give and give, and keep giving but you're not getting as much. You somehow even feel neglected, feel being left, and finally you'll feel like,"GOSH HE'S BEEN USING ME!"
We don't expect wen we give, but you should really play your part. I'm sure you're a human being too right? So, treat people the way you want to be treated.  

*sorry if the title is a little too controversial. :p