Title-less

You don't know what you really want until you lose it. You don't know how much you really love someone until he/she is gone. Bila dah hilang, meratap air mata darah sekalipun, mungkin tak kembali. MUNGKIN.

I haven't been eating for this week, when I force myself to eat to show people around me that I'm okay, my chest pushed it away, the taste full of betrayal runs through my trachea into my stomach. Someone help me eat, aku sangat lapar but I just couldn't take in anything :(

I breathe, but I don't feel like breathing. I just can't get enough of oxygen... Shisha pun sia-sia sebab tak dapat nak tarik. k, it's not funny -.-"

Mandi masih basah, mungkin aku masih siuman, Alhamdullilah...

When I'm exhausted at night, I fell asleep... But I'm always awake in a sudden way, awake because I missed him, awake because I thought he was there, awake because I wanted to hear his voice... Sakit bila tiba-tiba terjaga and you know you can't change anything. And then I can't sleep anymore. Part duduk sorang-sorang paling tak best, you tend to wander and wander and think and think and cry and cry. But what can you do, crying is part of healing mom said, but I can't stand it because it feels like being stabbed many times yet I'm alive.

Falling out of love is no joke, but I'm not falling out neither I'm falling in... We're in between. 

Sedih, of course sedih. But I feel so much better after I met him today. Macam mana aku tahan jumpa ex? No, I feel worse if I don't see him. I seek strength in him, seeing him happy, seeing him looking great, seeing him smile, make me stronger. After I see him, I am quite sure I'll be okay, we'll be okay, InsyaAllah.

Sumpah aku rasa kosong... dikelilingi ramai orang pun, aku masih rasa kosong. His presence filled the emptiness. Berjumpa sekali pun cukup bagi aku. Now only I learn to be grateful for what we have kannn... shame on me. bahahaha. For time being mungkin aku akan diamkan diri, searching for what I've lost, the value in me. Muhasabah diri mungkin. I can't make people happy if I'm not happy. I can't fall in love if I don't love myself... So, I will love myself to love him even deeper. 

I hope he wouldn't think that I don't care when I stopped looking for him for a while. I hope he wouldn't stop hoping. I hope he wouldn't give up everything. I hope he would wait. I hope he would still love me when I'm back. Hope goes with prayers, Ya Allah I know you heard me... my hope is nothing without your wills. Please keep it, i know it's somewhere inside there...

Smiles and laughs hid everything even a single wound. but I hope he wouldn't forget my eyes. He used to know everything from it... and from there he knows I love him.

I'll be okay. InsyaAllah. 

Not to forget, Mom, who always prays for me, support me, and understand. She doesn't judge and blame and that's the best thing about her. I love you, Mom. 

Currently listening to: Ombak Rindu rotation by perpisahan ini dan Demi Cinta.

(ilysm)