When you find there's just too many lies and too much of pain, and you refuse to deal with any of it anymore... And you found that he's so happy to be free from your jealousy, from your "only-one-attention" and he's filled with so much excitement when he's with his friends rather than you that he'd rather go out with his friends than staying to play cho tai T with you at home... you just, will be willing to let it be. Then you found an article saying that people actually dosn't need relationships... That we just need a friend from opposite sex for companion, I think he can have all that from his friends, COMPANION. Which is far better cuz you're bound to no no commitment at all. Which makes me, I wanna be free too. Like really, you can't be serious, you're in a relationship but acting like you're not in one... I wouldn't want to deal with that. It sucks. I think then you better be honest, let each other go.. in PEACE please.
I've been to Raub yesterday, I remember the xcitement that filled myself when I got there. It was far into a jungle... but the place was magnificent. I felt peace, fun, I felt what I don't find anymore here, in KL. I've got to enjoy myself like really enjoy it... I remember him but I don't think I really miss him. If not I'd be crazy to find a plug to charge my phone as the plug in my room wa not working. I just don't know why... Maybe because of him. He made me feel that way. The way he wants us to be in a distant after quites years being so close together. I think its a disaster but giving him what he wants is still my pleasure (don't take it the wrong way PLEASE!, lol), I mean, if that's what he wish for... I'd be willing to adapt myself for it. But I can't control my feeling. It fades away when you go too... It hurts but it wasn't like before, there's not so much of pain anymore...
How much I wish I don't wanna be back here. Sometimes I found myself asking, "what for?". Well, there's still studies that's keeping me here. I wanna be someone new, new face, new personality, surrounded by a new place, new people. That's why I got excited when I see "new" guys now, :P i'm kidding! but reallly, they gave me a rush of feeling that I haven't been feeling for quite a while. I just want to get to know. I know I don't deserve anyone else now... I just need a new life you know, less depress one perhaps.
I was so dissappointed because he almost made me feel the way I do once upon a time, but he spoiled it for the sake of friends, girls. Whatever you know... Go with it, I'm looking one for myself too anyway.
Maybe people who doesn't go through what I do or feel what I felt, they'd be saying, "she's so mean towards her boyfriend. He's so romantic, sweet, handsome, so clever = wonderboy", but hey, if you can make him love you, go take him. BUT MAKE SURE YOU MAKE HIM HAPPY BIT** :) And now, when you read this, hypocritically you'll say,"She's a bitch for giving away her bf like that", but you guys are ungrateful people who doesn't know what you want and if I leave him, I bet you'll make your move cam babi tak..? ish.
*to be continued with pictures of Lembah Temir, Raub
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