Fullhouse, Sunway Pyramid

Sometimes bringing your boyfriend to meet school friends are cool!

We hardly can meet but they're my friend :)

Sayang tapi Malang, Dia Curang

Don't worry girl, he tells every other girl that she's special. You're just another girl.

Hey people, ever heard of a LOVE TRIANGLE?
According to Wikipedia,

"The term "love triangle" almost always implies that the arrangement is unsuitable to one or more of the people involved. One person usually ends up feeling betrayed at some point. A similar arrangement that is agreed upon by all parties is sometimes called a triad, a type of polyamory, although polyamory usually implies sexual relations. Within the context of monogamy, love triangles are inherently unstable. Unrequited love and jealousy are common themes in love triangles. Though rare, love triangles have been known to lead to murder or suicide committed by the actual or perceived rejected lover.These can be avoided if one just sticks to the one person they love."


or for those yang up sikit taking French classes, it's called, 

French: triangle amoureux

Or untuk yang otak bengap, SAYANG TAPI MALANG, DIA CURANG...

Well I don't know what it's called in Thai but guess what? I know 3 perfect people who're absolutely perfect in playing this love game. Nak tahu siapa? (Oh Geesh I'm so scared! I don't have the guts to tell who!) But for real I'm not someone yang mcm you guys which suka mengaibkan 'kawan-kawan' sendiri. 


These 3 people are:

• Unhappy people.
• Live in a life full of lies.
• perfect liars.
• Envy people in great jealousy.

They are unhappy because they're never true to themselves and never true towards people around them. Kalau berkawan, nak berkawan dengan orang yang berduit. If ada kawan-kawan yang succeed upon their own hardwork or happy dengan their life, akan didengki and mulalah mulut spreading 'the words of love.'


Live in a life full of lies. Dalam cinta tiga segi, tak semestinya one side sahaja yang curang. In this case, si jantan curang, si betina pun sama. Yang jantan, of course, friends will cover him up. When called, phone silent la, busy and whatsoever. Padahal tengah padok gadis dari seberang. Yang betina pulak, non-stop texting dengan jejaka idaman yang tak kesampaian. Tapi mestilah sorok-sorok dengan si jantan sebab SAYANG kan...


Datang pulak a third person inter-frame. but the best part of all is that, susah sangat nak kantoi sebab tiga-tiga pandaiiiii MENIPU! Perfect Liars babe. They could really sweet talks you in front of your face but behind your back masing-masing mulut busuk macam 'bangkai'. Kepada si jantan, kalau ada rezeki kahwin jela dengan dua-dua sekali ye sebab korang bertiga sangat sesuai bersam, tidur satu katil pun tadahal lah. U guys share a great common sense *wink* 


*No wonder life would never choose you or let you choose for yourself, terpaksa rembat apa yang ada sebab if given chances pun, you guy are kind of people yang cuma akan WASTE it. Before you tell someone to GET A LIFE, do something with your life first kay. Worth it ke hidup?*


And biasalah, orang yang tak happy dengan hidup sendiri akan always dengki with others yang berjaya dengan usaha sendiri sebab terfikir, "kenapa aku tak boleh jadi macam dia?" wey, guna otak la baru boley hidup! Ataupun,"Oh happynye dia dengan girlfriend dia... sangat intimate and sweet..." Macam mane kau nak jadi macam tu bila hubungan itself tipu sana tipu sini? duh... - -"
And bila dah dengki, macam-macam lah. Kawan sendiri pun boleh diugut nak reveal secrets and all, that's why rakan-rakan, nowadays friends bukan semua yang can be fully trusted. Ape yang pernah ditolong pun berbakul-bakul semua ungkit balik, tak sedar agaknya yang dia tu lebih banyak SECRETS2 sensasi yang boleh dihebah :)
Bukannya kawan-kawan tak pernah berbudi kepadanya. Inil barulah dikatakan Pathetic, people. So, next time jangan salah guna ye term ini. 


Peliknya, Si curangs-curangs ni perangai lebih kurang sama, macam mane nak kate ye... "Lagi tua, lagi matang." Itulah pemikiran mereka, makanya, perangai pun 'MATANG' sangat. 


How sad...


Sayang tapi malang, dua-dua curang. Kalau tak happy let go... Yakin pada Allah yang Maha Adil tu that He'd destined your life with someone i'Allah. Inilah jadinya bila solat 5 waktu tinggal, Solat jumaat pun x pergi! ( khas untuk jejaka2 sekalian) 


p/s: kalau terasa sendiri2 handle dengan cara matang dan rasional ye. Tak perlu heboh satu facebook. Saya sangat malas nak buat perang status. Pandai-pandai fikirlah, dah besar kan? 


"Words are heard by others, not by you. But... Reflect, then you'll realize that sometimes your words are meant for yourself." If you're so good at talking, how about take a mirror put it ifront of your face and start talking, don't you think it would make a perfect reflection on you? great, great & great :)

Silly lily

Silly isn't it?

You studied for the whole semester & you throw it off just in 2 to 3 hours examination.

You collected a penny a day and finally spend all of it in just a day too?

You take lifetime to keep as much romance novels and burned it when you don't need them anymore.

You are happy with someone you love for more than 2 years (could be 20 years) and you end everything in a second due to a silly argument.

For every single thing you've been doing, for every single person you've been with, will you just give it up when you're at the very bottom of your life? Just give up? Just like that?

14.3.2011

Oh kita dah 2 tahun together lah sayang. Despite dulu orang kate,"Ala baru setahun jagung."
Despite all of their judges, 2 years is long for me. I never kept a thought of an easy relationship. Of course, the waves were hard but we managed. After so much you and I been through. Pretty much for a 2 years-only couple. Dulu awal2 kenal, awal2 bercinta lain, SEMUA INDAH, BAIK BURUK I SUKA LAH. But now we spent lots of time trying to adapt to each other's bad habits and all... Tapi that's how it is supposed to be kan... Better do it before marriage, at least if one of us decide,"aku x tahan lah dgn kau" or "I don't want to spend my the rest of my life dealing with this person" you can still simply cut it off.

Tapi sayang, tahun ni saya tak cukup budget nak celebrate -_____-" but how sweet of you getting a Music Box for me. Pagi-pagi lagi dah dapat Music Box, terasa macam I'm back to the little kiddo world sekejap. Cute baby thanks :) Dah la dapat Music Box, dapat pulak favourite Egg Tart - John King! A very lovely morning oh wait, + FAT :P

-my ballerina in my music box :)-

changed my mind

Foremost this is a poem that has nothing to do with my current situations.

it just came...

I dont want to hear it anymore,

I just want to be alone,

I want to be on my own...

My heart shattered,

my tears suffered,

I struggled,

but he giggled.

A life has been scattered

yet to know that,

A love has been cheated...

With all lies created,

my soul defeated.

Dont shout my name,

I just dont want to hear it,

All i want is for you,

to go away...

by haniishadows

in my world

14.3.2010,

Happy 1st Anniversary Yayan! :)

As i said, all the fights were worth it to last with you till now.

I am just so happy to have you in my life.

Maybe i can questioned, why do you even appear in my life?

And the answer shall be, "to love you baby."

For those who knows us, knows our story, our hardships, and for those who had helped us thorugh it, i dont mind of you judging us. but for those who doesnt, keep your thoughts to yourself. We dont buy it.

I could still remember our first met, it was unexpected & beautiful.

I remember looking at each other without a word, without even knowing each other.

A stare that last until now. that had kept us together...

I'm sure you remember spending the whole night chatting to each other. Of course, i talked less at that time. but I admire how you could stay me awake listening to your stories.

Dear, i am so sure it wasnt Masscom who had build you the way you were or you are. It's just inside of you. ;p

Conflicts by conflicts, i believed it was fate who had matched us at last. who knows...

After so much denial between us, well, it just doesnt work, we're meant for each other.

The truth / Honesty had bind us.

Talking for 3 hours to you wasn't enough. There was just so much to talk about, to tell too.

But hey, i'm sure you never really care about this but i wont forget how people used to condemned you so much that you were with a school girl. but you never give a damn.

but hey sayang, i think i like it better when i was a school girl. we suite anyway. anyhow :)

But mostly what i'd like to tell you on this day was, I want to start a new chapter with you. Let's leave the bitter one behind. Let's leave all the bitches behind and go on with, only us.

I had forgive you but now, i am so ready to forget. you know i am not the kind who forgets, but i would for this, for us.

You've been a great guy on earth to me. You're sweet. You're ..... everything? idk ;p

Even kite pegi cruise bodo2 je on that day, i'd like to tell you how happy i was.

couldnt describe the feeling... it was a perfect day. never forget okay?

Urgh. nagging about you could take me so long... There are just so much about you dear.

I should stop ...

I hope we'll figure out better ways not to fight. haha. i like it sometimes... ^^

i love you Yayan! ILYSM and only u know what it means.

Don't judge me. I'm not a book :p

          Did a quiz an here's the result ;p

         You Judge People Based on Intuition

You can't explain why you trust and like some people. It's all about going with your gut.

Your instincts tend to be right, and your first impression of someone usually sticks.

Keep going with your intuition, as it has served you well ... especially when you have a bad feeling about someone.

Be open to changing your mind about people. Your intuition may change if you learn more information about someone. 

"Yesss, but as a human I make mistakes and misjudged and mistrust... There are people which we thought is nice but is actually a piece of shit :) That's what I learned about someone."

Pathetic much

It's pretty pathetic for a friend who says,"aku bukan baru kenal kau dow. Aku dah masak sangat dengan perangai kau! Pergi mampos la kau!" True, you've been friend for quite a long time tapi that doesn't mean you know that person very well. All you know was based on a thin slicing. If you really had known me for your bestfriend, you wouldn't accuse me without any proof. You would back me up till the truth doomed you.

Kelakar when someone buat status yang actually is really general and is obviously not pin-pointing on anyone and comes a friend yang sendiri terasa then balas balik status which is obviously pointing on us. Tak tahulah kau ade tulis,"dulu kau kene tampar dengan bf kau, aku jugak yang tolong kau.........." tu pointing on someone else? Berapa ramai orang kene tampar dengan bf yang kau tolong? Then straight mengungkit pulak tu. Wehh, orang berbudi kite berbahasa, aku bukannye x pernah balas jasa baik kau weyhhh. Bawak2 la berfikir sebelum nak menyembur. Buat malu diri sendiri je nanti.

My status was about a friend yang nak belajar. at the same time, wants to work. But when it comes to group works and all, buat kerja macam taik and tak datang discussion and gives a lot of excuses. Most appealing was that, dia lebih prioritized dia punye keje than group assignments. xkan nak markah free kot? Explanation xde, sorry xde, tup2 hilang... About report pun x concern dah hantar ke belum. Boleh tak duduk diam je kalau dapat groupmate macam tu? So I was saying kalau income is much more important, quit studying and keje. There'll be no hassle nak kejarkan dateline keje office and dateline assignment. We all pun student jugak, bukannye ade income pun boleh je survive? and the most important, tadela nak menyusahkan orang lain or groupmate sendiri.

So, yang nak angin2 buat apa kalau x betul? So kalau angin and terasa tu, betul la kan? I wasn't talking about you man, aduhai, tapi dah terasa, Gotchaaa!!! Then nak perang2 status. Sorry ar beb, I might be younger than you but I'm not childish as you are. And I did had a little respect for you, which vanished when you said,"Blah dari hidup aku!" ish, perfect sangat kah hidup kau?

Oh Gosh, friends. I just don't dare to comment anything on "friends". They can just be ANYTHING, literally.

Fantasi, Ilusi, & Realiti

saya pejam satu mata, saya nampak awak...
so, saya pejam dua2 mata, tapi saya mula dengar suara awak...
saya tak faham, "what's happening....?" "kat mana saya...?"
saya rindu sangat dekat awak. tapi saya takut bila awak dekat2 dengan saya.
saya takut awak akan lukakan saya lagi...
saya bahagia sangat dengar suara awak, tapi pada masa yang sama, saya sakit.
saya keliru.


..............................................................................


saya rasa saya tidur tadi... tapi situasi ni nampak real sangat.
saya tak bermimpi... awak memang ada... saya dapat rasa...
tapi saya tak tahu kenapa, tiba2 saya terjaga...
kecewanya saya, saya tak sempat nak cakap dengan awak...
tapi dalam realiti yang ntah kemana, saya still dapat rasa awak genggam tangan saya...
entah kenapa, saya tak dapat rasa air mata saya mengalir...
awak, awak kat mana?


...............................................................................


saya letih, saya penat... saya tak mahu bangun... saya nak tidur...
saya nak jumpa awak lagi....
saya tahu setiap kali saya pejam mata, saya boleh jumpa awak...
saya rindu awak...
awak rindu saya tak?
perasaan saya kuat sangat.... awak dapat rasa tak?
awak jawablah soalan saya....
tolonglah...


................................................................................


saya tengah buat ulangkaji, saya tak sedar bila saya terpejam...
tapi saya tak kisah. sebab saya nampak awak datang...
awak duduk tepi saya, kita sama2 senyum...
tapi bila saya nak salam awak... saya nak cium tangan awak...
awak hilang...
"awak! jangan pegi... jangan tinggalkan saya..."
saya terjaga, saya masih mencari.
bila realiti menggamit saya, baru saya perasan, "oh cuma mimpi..."
saya menangis lagi...
"saya nak awak betul2 tepi saya..."


................................................................................


"awak, percayalah cakap saya kalau saya cakap saya bosan. sebab saya tak maksudkannya pun." tunggang terbalik kan ayat saya? macam tu lah hidup saya sekarang...
saya tak tahu macam mana nak lupakan awak...
tapi saya tahu, saya mesti lupakan awak...
saya selalu bayangkan perkara2 indah mcm perasaan yang tak pernah berubah.
tapi itu semua ilusi sahaja...
sedihnye saya...
pedih rasanya...


.........................................................................


saya nak benci awak.
saya nak marah awak.
saya nak lempang awak...
tapi saya tak sanggup.
apa sangatlah salah awak...
saya terfikir, kalau satu hari nanti apa2 jadi, dan saya tak sempat maafkan awak,
mesti saya menyesal... jadi, baik saya maafkan awak dan lupakan awak.
sekurang-kurangnya saya takkan menyesal di atas kebahagiaan awak...
saya bahagia tgk awak bahagia..
walaupun terluka. tapi saya masih boleh senyum..
saya dah cukup gembira.


..............................................................................


awak, kalau saya tak sempat bagitau awak,
saya cuma nak awak tahu betapa saya cinta kat awak.
perasaan saya tak pernah berubah.
saya pernah marah sangat dekat awak...
tapi perasaan tu tak lama.
saya takut kita tak dapat bertemu, apatah lagi bersama...
once and for all, saya sayang sangat kat awak.
"pls jangan lupa saya ye?"


.....................................................................................


awak fantasi hidup saya, ilusi saya dan pernah menjadi realiti untuk saya.

Blogwalking, will you?

If you're in great debt, or perhaps financial problem... don't wait for it to get worse, you can ask advice from http://www.freeeasylife.blogspot.com/

Teenage girl, bet she's so active on her blog! Read her :) http://lillymoii.blogspot.com/

She has incredible thought playing around. I call her Mahaguru Cinta :p http://azyanliyana.blogspot.com/

She craps amazing things! http://syafiqahcrapping.blogspot.com/

Matured? Ponder.

As life goes on and on...
i fikir2 balik, what happened and im trying to figure out why must it happen...
but it's life. sometimes, only time will tell us "why".

hari tu, i got mocked by one this group of university students yang kononnye sgt matured. so, i xde la cari gaduh balik. just keep quiet. usually, keeping quiet doesnt mean kita kalah.
but bile fikir2 balik, they're acting like 5 years old kid yang bila gaduh, ejek about muka buruk la, ape la. so childish. just like my brother ;p

bile he's saying my muka buruk and everything, i dont know why, i just dont feel angry. maybe i know the truth is im much better than them. haha. tapi, think, cantik ke buruk ke, we're all God's creation, layak ke kita nak mempertikaikan sume tu? anyway, u nak ckp org buruk, CIK ABANG CANTIK SGT KE?

entahlah, geram dgn perangai manusia yg jenis x sedar diri... and if u think u're matured enough, act maturely.. jgn sekadar cakap. nanti kang if i say, CAKAP X SERUPA BIKIN marah...

You dah besar enough, tp gaduh dgn a girl yg you all panggil "bdk kecik". you x rase diri you mcm typical brother or sister yg x pandai mengalah ke??? duh.... ckp bodoh kang, melenting..

haish. manusia manusia...

mcm mane nak ckp ye. you cant really judge people mcm tu... if u x suke dia sekalipun, act professionally la. respect. respect between human tu. or maybe humanity tu kene adela..
u x faham why it happens sekalipun, u just have to accept tht it's in the life partial...

hmm. im really telling this in generally eventho it really does happened to me. i dont keep revenge. the least i can do, is accept that you dont get me... and you dont know me, and you dont understand the situation and you are like that. i respect your decision of mocking me.
but for me, i forgive and i pray you all akan see the truth one day. :)
or perhaps i'd say, ;p


"I may be a 'kid',but I'm more mature than you. Note that."

it's here, it's everywhere.

i looked out the window... and i sighed, it's full moon without stars. All stars are gone...
i wonder why... so i told myself, maybe the clouds are hiding them. if i do good,they might return them to me. i hope so...

I went to this place, to a place of memories. lots of it... i felt like i am where im supposed to be. it's where i belong too. it's where i wanna be...
I went out, but everywhere are places of memories... i feel they're so near to me. i feel them around me. i thought if i expose myself to all these memories, i would feel terrible. instead, i felt relieved. i know i couldnt lie to myself, i miss you so much.

I pass Burger King, but before it was the Quick Cut. haha.
I sit at the fountain...
I stop at Bandar Tasik Selatan, and someone was hugging you...
I see us swimming.
I remember taking LRT with you...
Im standing infront of the mirror, but i see us taking pictures...
I hear the song "i dont want to miss a thing" but i hear you singing...
I miss eating mcD or pizza or KFC with you. or maybe i miss the cooking part.
I wish we could have take more pictures.
I want someone to play the guitar, my guitar, for me.

there's a lot to mention... but enough, it's enough to prove that i would go crazy losing you.

yeap, breaking up just changed the status between us. it's not a big deal. but when breaking up means losing... it's a lot to take up.

Today I realized, the nearer i am to our memories, the easier it becomes for me to let you go.
At least i have those memories with me. should be grateful enough. :)
I take it all positively today.
"Law awk syg sy, awk akan jd diri awk sndiri... Jgn la runsing2 law ada prob btaw sy, hani sy dh x simpan2 dlm hati..."
i read it again, and again, and again...
i wish i've done it when we were still together... but it's too late.
no, nothing is really too late. at least i still got the sense of realization in me...
Yeah, i should just be me. it's no harm.

Saya still sayang awk. exactly for the moment. so i'll be myself. maybe it's no more for you. but for me. At least little part of you is still in me. i think i can throw you out of my life completely, but i dont want too. despite what people gonna say, it's my decision what. it's my life. :)

I loved you too much. it's a mistake i've given all my heart. i should've saved half of it incase half is broken, i got another half. but, things happen... lucky i could pull up myself to get out of this life reality. with supports of course. Ma, i wouldnt know what to do without you.

It's a sweet memory. you are.
You used to say "i dont know what to do IF i lose you" but myself saying, "I really dont know what to do when i lost you..."

I didnt really know why it turned out this way. but hey, let's get it over with and let's us start our own life. i know you've started one. so, its me who should get it started with.

5 days, i've a lot to tell you. to share.

well, people. as i always said, im here to share my memories. and im done with it.
it's only a memory and i meant nothing more than that.

"Sometimes, when something is too near, we coulnt see it. then we tend to take it for granted."

you dont agree? take a book, put it really near to your eyeballs, can u read them?

god damn it,i miss you.

the pain is unbearable, but haha, i dont have any choice yea? the only choice i have is to be strong. and keep going..

Finally... Life's on the go...

I'm Glad

3 weeks before SPM,
I've been thru a disaster in my life... love shits you know..

so, there's this angel. he took me out. walked me around. tried his best to make my sweet smile comes back. i appreciate it so much. but still i miss him. duhh honey it's been only one day.. sure u'll miss him like he'll ever gonna miss u back?

but it's different. my hearts keep telling...
i know i miss him cuz im not focusing on the person talking to me INFRONT of me!
he's messing with my mind... i see him everywhere.. the memories. it's a lot. trust me babe. i aint lie to you guys.

i could just swear that i remember every single shit of memories we had. damn it.
i dont hear what the person is saying... all i could hear the things he ever said.. in my mind...

i almost cry. im shocked i did not cry... i was wondering, "is my heart shielded enough?"

i smiled. i laughed. i eat!!! amazing... :)

havent done that for quite a week.

im glad... it's just that im glad. :)

cinta awak sampai mati.

Bila hati berdetak,
fikiran kembali.
tapi si dia tak jua pergi...
menetap disini,
tempat layaknya Sang Cinta Hati.

Aku berfikir lagi,
mengapa air mata harus mengalir tak henti?
terdetik di sudut hati,
aku tak sanggup kehilangannya untuk menangi ego sendiri...

Bila diselami lagi,
kutemui sanubari diri,
yang mencintai dirimu sampai mati...

by Haniishadows.

specially for you sayang. =)

Pendusta Cinta

Kau berpuitis cinta,

Engkau bermadah segera,

perlukah itu semua?

Kau ambil merah saga,

Engkau pulangkan hitam belanga,

perlukah kau sakitiku begitu rupa?

Kau bisikan kata cinta,

Engkau maksudkan kata dusta,

apa yang cuba kau sampaikan sebenarnya?

Aku cuba mengertimu wahai hati lara,

izinkan aku memahami perasaan yang bermain di titian hiba.

cukuplah hatiku terluka,

dengan kata-kata pendusta cinta.

by haniishadows

love don't lie. so, why should you?

We know...

Maybe you dont realize yourself changing from time to time... but the people who once were close to you, will not only realize it but will feel it. they feel the impact of your changes...

Maybe you arent aware of someone's bad attitude or attention when all you see "oh she is so perfect!"
but the people around you will notice that...

Maybe if we tell you, you would say, "you just cant understand" or "you just cant accept it cuz you feel like she's stealing me from you" but i would say, "you are blindfolded, where's your heart?"

Maybe people can twist things around, you twist your words but at the end of the day, the truth will always revealed... the truth will always come out.

Maybe you can tell lies to me, but you cant lie to my heart forever cuz my heart feels. it has feelings!

copyright by Haniishadows

Love stays

My feeling is telling... My heart is saying... My mind is warning...
but myself keep doing... Time is flying... Things are still going...
Memories fading... Everyone's leaving...
I'm wondering without thinking... While the world's moving i'm stopping...
trying, looking, searching the love that should be lasting.
Now i'm staying for the love im having.

by Haniishadows

Sometimes bende depan mata je tapi kite x nampak and yet kita bother nak cari jauh2.
kononnye nak make an effort la. how stupid we can be... haish.
so, be more alert maybe..? er,, ;)

My first poem, Rebelling in Silence

Im lost in the middle
I want to go back to where I started it
but there's a voice telling, I should juts move on.
Leave what is behind, take what is infront.
Sooner or later i'll be in the right path
just move and move...
It's like staring a new life
but i dont know where to start, even how to begin...
and i dont know how to let go and i'm scared.
It hurts like hell.
It really hurts inside.
They talked about "it".
They say bad things about "it"
I cant stand it anymore
I'm rebelling in silence...

by Haniishadows

I guess i would say it's my first writing ever? so, xde la gempak mane kan... but then, you see it was my starting point. it led me to where i am now... so, so that's it. :)

My Raya wasn't so dull

'aduhai... I miss few days back before today'

when i reached KL, he fetched me. then jalan2 jap, then he dropped me home. ok la, i was kinda tired so the fear hasn't really conquered me.

the next day, i woke up quite early. kemas2 rumah jap. basuh baju... then bagi kucing makan. i cooked. =D tapi simple2 thing je la. segera nye foods. ;p but still sedap kay? we ate breakfast and brought some for the friends too. happy sgt.

Malam tu pulak while waiting for my fam nak sampai rumah, kitaorg duduk at his friend's house. no one was home. so we sat outside. ade swing.. =) we swing ourselves for a while. malam tu banyak bintang.. boleh la. we were talking. suddenly my eyes were filled with tears. i had no idea why. i guess i love him too much by then. Lepas tu, we went to IOI, thought nak pegi dinner there. but it turned out dia nak makan Pizza and i wanted McD. we did not fight =)

Entah kenapa, i was kinda so sentimental that night, i was thinking of tapau pizza & McD then makan kat Taman Bukit. since kat sane ade spotlight :)

so, there we go. sweet sgt mase makan kat situ... ade few people practicing Wushu (if i spell that right??) but it was a silent night with stars and moonlight. i never had dinner kat taman with my boyfriend (belovedddd bf pulak tu) then lepas da kemas2, kitaorg lepak jap. He sang a song for me (under my request sebenarnye =p) but he sang "Ku Ingin Kamu" by Romance Band. So sweet till i cried. i dont know what to do if i lose him.

Baru hari tu rasenye stay up all night, teman dia buat assignment. afterward, we went for a drink kejap. tapi kejap2 pun, it was morning when we finally dah nak balik. then, i felt like keeping the motorbike. so, the plan was, i'll drop him at his friend's house then i'll go home. but i was afraid (silly? yea. but still ;p)

so i said, "awak, erm, teman saye balik boleh x? saye takut.."

"tapi awak nak pegang motor kan?"

"yaa, u can use other's motor maybe?"

he was like umm taking only sec to think and smile and said,

"it's okay sayang, i'll send u home using my friend's motorbike." so we do as he said. he's sweet.

i love him. :)

Esok tu i woke up late. i was like, "OhMiGod!" cuz i promised nak bawak breakfast to his friend's house. neway, i knew them all. so, even lambat, i guess it's ok. my mom helped me goreng macaroni.. my sister helped too. tak tahulah by then it's still called breakfast or lunch, but the main thing, im happy tgk org suka makan my cooking. haha. i tried real hard for it kay (even it's actually easy ;p)...

then kemas2 his bag cuz he's going back to Melaka by then (sedihnye ;( i dont want him to go back)

After da kemas2 semua, we talked. we used each precious sec preciously of course. hehe.

then, he dropped me home.

i really wanted him to stay tapi there's no way he can do that.

so, we kinda promised to wait for each other till we meet again (literally, that's what happen everytime we're apart. ;p)

i already miss him. urgh, sweet memories always help kan? im glad. =)

Heart Him.

There's no fairy - '09

.picture doesn't belong to me.

Things happen without prediction,
for an unpredictable reaction,
It happens unfairly,
there's no fairy...
I'm not expecting,
but it's so frustrating
to know that this live show
is actually a reflection
of a Life,
that is full of surprise...

by haniishadows.

p/s: yeap yeap. life is unpredictable. so many things await us and yet we keep on whining and complaining. no harm i guess. keep going! ;p

Surprise!!!

September 4 2009,
i was kinda relieved it was a simple day as i had only EST paper to take. but i thought of it's going to be a real boring weekend as my bf can't come home this week. yea, gotta understand he has things going on in the campus. can't hold him back huh... i thought so.
so after school, i finished my exam as fast as i could, thinking of the bed and happy dreams. however, things were unusual cuz usually every Friday my mom would be waiting for me but this time i was looking out for her car but it wasn't there. when i was searching, someone called out my name. so i guess it has to be one of the friends huh. i looked around and guess who i saw???
Surprise!!!
Yayan, sitting on his motorcycle! i really thought i was dreaming or maybe im missing him too much then im seeing him around. so i blinked as much as i can. but the images are still there and i see he was smiling at me and giving me the sign to go to him. i was freezed! but i managed my steps somehow. he was there infront of me... i just couldn't believe it! i was too happy to say anything. i did smile. of course i'd smile! oh gosh i missed him like hell.. i've never thought he'd do something like that. yes, it was really unpredictable. he handed me the helmet and i ride with him. so there goes the conversation...

"when did u come back?"

"this morning... (smile).."

"what time did u reached here?"

"11.45 am.."

"so, where's my mom?" i asked.

"i went to ur house first. borak-borak ngan ur mom. saya nak bawak awak buka puasa ngan cousins saye hari ni."

"ohh.. (looking stupid)."

"kenapa ni?" he asked me.

"er, xde pape. ckp x boleh balik?"

"saya nak jumpa awak..."

gosh! how sweet! how romantic was that! ;p there was more to mention but im not telling u exactly what we talked about! hehe. i just never imagine that something like that would ever happen to me. u know, u've planned u'll sleep through the weekend cuz ur loved one is busy and the next thing that happen is that, he 's just infront of you! oh, i love you more sayang!

Pure Necklace - '09

A day before Ramadhan, Yayan gave me a necklace. It has double heart on it - which is gold and silver in colour and it has little diamonds on the edge of the silver's. He says it supposed to be a birthday present. (well, i accept belated birthday present don't i? especially from him! ;p) but i felt like it was given on my birthday itself. it's so special... well, my name or his name wasn't carved on the pendant, it is a very simple but perfectly beautiful pendant. I usually am very concern of pendants but this one is different. I like it the first time i see it. and it looks just perfect and sweet on me. I just dont know why. I kinda feel special too when i wear it. I havent been bored looking at this pendant. it makes me feel satisfied. =) i love it. it symbolizes something that i couldn't explain. it takes away the pain of missing him when i see it. I dont usually like gold but this one looks gorgeous. i dont expect it to be expensive but it has a high value for me. i'm afraid i will lose it upon my clumsiness, uhh know me.. gosh, it makes me feel secure when i am worry. i can feel that it is so pure and full of love. thank you sayang for this lovely necklace. i really precious it! i love you! just want u to know, that i appreciate whatever u give me. but mostly, i precious and love you so much.

Necessity of life - '09

For once, i just really dont want things to be perfect.

For once, i feel the necessity for things to be upside down.

For once, i could say that even a highly educated psychologist will go thru shits in life, and get upset and feel down sometimes.

And me? a rebellious teen who goes thru over thousand conflicts in her mind everyday?

sometimes i wonder, does my personality makes me complex?

does my personality makes me troublesome?

does my personality makes me hard to understand?

If life has to be professionals & rational always, where does real emotions belongs too?

If life, is a theory, where there are specific reaction for certain action, what do i live for? why am i even living??

If life, is not in me, how did i lived?

But,

If life, is in me, why am i still searching for one or more?

by Haniishadows

i feel emptiness filling my heart and taking place in my soul. i kinda lost track of life and tracking each steps left unseen. it's complicated.
happiness surrendered to loneliness.
i gotta keep up. get a life. and find a smile. again.

A poem for him - '07

You were looking for her,

You looked around & you saw her,

You thought she won't go anywhere...

You glanced at her once in a while,

keeping the thought you had in mind,

Then you stared at her for sometime...

and in a second you blinked your eyes,

she got lost in your sight.

You were looking for her,

not knowing that she's gone...

You forgotten the thought you had.

You were looking for her,

and you learned and realized,

as time goes by,

that she's gone in a blink of an eye,

and you regretted it,

that you didn't make it,

to tell her...

not that she's beautiful or whatever...

but you love her,

more than any other.

by haniishadows.

p/s: Realize what you have now people before it's too late.
i wish i could have done that earlier but it's a lesson for me.
could be a guidance for you huh. well, it's life. it's life.
dont take whatever in the presence for granted.
appreciate it to the fullest. put all effort to precious it or them.

Flashback

I turn back and see memories, so now I wanna re-post them, bury them in my blog diaries.

Anyone whoever come across it, I appreciate if you can appreciate my life stories, if not, you can always close the tab :)